Indebtedness

It always seems to be the shy, reserved mothers who end up with the extroverted, attention-seeking children. From the time my first-born was a baby, she was a social butterfly- cooing and smiling and giggling in the middle of Walmart, inviting the attention of other shoppers that went beyond the simple adoration and pinching of the cheeks. No, these particular shoppers seemed to want full-on conversations- details of the birth- details of our lives... and since the baby couldn't talk yet, guess who was stuck answering all their questions?

As she got older, she won over the hearts of many people- daycare providers, teachers, other kids' parents, neighbors... she loves to gab it up with anyone who will listen and is not selective of the information she chooses to gab about. (such as the time she shared with her Sunday School teacher that her mom "sure does like alcohol"! Now, I am not much of a drinker other than an occasional glass of wine or an occasional Saturday night in Brewery Gulch. The reason she thinks I like alcohol so much is because I made the mistake of first claiming that my very small container of pomegranate juice had alcohol in it... this prevented her from wanting a sip, which would have led to her drinking the whole thing. Before long, the lies just got out of control and to this day, she is still convinced that Buster Bars from DQ have alcohol in them). Yes, my sweet little angel is very forthcoming with information and just wants to share everything she knows with the whole world. If ever there was a mother who valued her sense of privacy and anonymity, this was not a match made in heaven!

Besides her genuinely open disposition, my daughter has adopted some interests that, during my pre-parenthood days, I would have scoffed at. Before children, I was certain that I would never allow my daughter to own a Barbie (for fear of her developing an unrealistic expectation of body proportion) and would never allow her to see a Disney princess movie (especially The Little Mermaid who loses her voice, only to be restored when she meets her true love). I was certain that my son would be raised to be sensitive, caring, non-violent, and respectful toward women. As we speak, my daughter is in the living room watching Beauty & The Beast while my son is walking around wearing his sister's princess tiara around his eyes as an "eye guard" and shooting at the "princess robots" out of (ironically) the Little Mermaid video case.

Before I was a parent, I think my vision of parenthood was to mold these beautiful little beings into an actualization of my own beliefs, values, and sense of morality. Does this not defeat the whole purpose of self-actualization and nurturing a child's own sense of self and meaning? I should have paid more attention when my Mom said that children are not ours, they are on loan from God.

I desire to nurture my children's creativity. So when they run out of art paper...

I must learn to celebrate their creative accommodations.

I desire to nurture my children's sense of adventure. So when I walk outside and find them like this and have no idea what they're doing...

I must learn to accept that I will not always understand their behaviors (Thanks to all you FB friends for your interpretations... stress management? sunday ritual? performance artists? transporting themselves to a new dimension?).

Yes, these are my "loans" from God- May I offer guidance without attempting to "mold" them- May I learn their language as they are ready to teach it to me- May I learn to support their own unique preferences and interests without judging them through my own egocentric lens... And may I always remember that they are kids.

What an investment this parenting thing truly is... May I pay back every moment... with interest.