The Sky Is Falling

It's been three months since my last blog post and four months since my New Year resolution to blog more frequently. Little did I know four months ago that my computer would be damaged in my true life version of "the sky is falling!". For those of you who have not kept up with my saga (documented on Facebook, of course), our house suffered significant damage after a hard freeze here in Bisbee in early February. The water pipes above the ceiling froze... and then unfroze... and then burst, causing our ceiling to cave in.

We moved into a furnished rental home for two months... and then into another, where we are currently living. Although the insurance company is covering the repairs to our sad little house, the work has not yet started and the novelty of living in someone else's home is quickly wearing off.

My usual inspiration for blogging is when my children (or I) do something incredulously smart or funny, about which I assume the whole world is interesting in knowing. Not this time. In fact, I'm sitting here wondering where this post will even go, and having the feeling that this is going to turn into a major self-pity fest. (This is not related solely yo my house issue, but also to many other areas in life where it seems "the sky is falling".) So before I go there, I'm going to present this question (intended for YOU to answer), based on my present existence of pure funk:

"What do you do to take care of yourself... and to pull yourself back into LIVING?"

When I present such questions to my sister, she sometimes reminds me that I am a therapist and asks what I would say to my patient if he or she was in that situation (a technique that I think is both brilliant and incredibly annoying). I have, of course, already engaged in the internal dialogue of convincing myself that I should be grateful for the things I have... at least I have a job... and a temporary roof over my head... and children who make me laugh every day... and a partner who cooks dinner for us every night... and family and friends who are unconditionally supportive... and there are people who are less fortunate... so many recent deaths and health problems and world disasters and war and pain and hatred and suffering... and this internal dialogue keeps going and gets me nowhere.

Because what it comes down to is me feeling completely self-absorbed in my own small world, even with the awareness that the world around me is in many ways "worse off". All I can focus on in this moment is that I have spent the weekend (every weekend) on my remote desktop connection to my work... and I will be back at it after I finish this self-indulgent blog. I dread the overwhelming exhaustion that will hit me around midnight, and the resentment that will come when I wake up in the morning... the dread of going into work, knowing I will encounter multiple impromptu reports, multiple horrific stories, multiple complaints and impossible tasks, and the faces of multiple coworkers who look just as shell-schocked as I feel. And knowing that it wasn't always this way... that I used to love my job and my house and my funny kids and my daily routine. That I used to whisper words of gratitude for the many blessings in my life (which are still present, just not acknowledged).

"How DO you take care of yourself... and pull yourself back into LIVING?"

I ask this, not expecting profound answers... not expecting any particular answers from any particular readers... not soliciting advice or kind words or support and encouragement... MAYBE, actually, wondering (hopeful?) that this FUNK is not just me and is part of something larger? And then wondering why I'm hopeful for THAT?